Things have been so chaotic lately, and to be honest I’m just plum tuckered out.
I’ve been trying to keep positive but it’s proving to be harder than I had originally thought. Here is a recap of recent events.
So, Daddy Fisk had been training in Florence for a couple weeks as originally planned since he went on orders (working for Army full time) on September 2nd. During that time we got to talk to him most every night, and when we didn’t we would get a text saying he was too tired to talk but, he would send his love nonetheless. His unit had decided sometime ago that they were not going to be giving passes (days off) after they had left AZ to MOB (mobilize). So, they gave him a four day pass where he had absolutely NO ARMY stuff to do between that training and actually leaving. I can’t even tell you how much I loved that… but loving it didn’t make it easy by any means.
He has been gone so much lately that I had become comfortable with my own routine that Jessica (nanny) and I had come up with. So, while I was beyond excited to spend time with him, it was awkward just a teeny bit…because well; anyone who knows him knows that he too is set in his ways and he takes the whole “a man’s home is his castle” thing to an extreme. Which I normally don’t mind, in fact I take pride in trying to please him in that. Just not right now.
With all of the recent training and pending deployment Brent had a friend that didn’t have a place to stay; so he stayed with us until they left (we wouldn’t even think of letting him live at the armory). Hiner is a super cool guy who can make you laugh at anything. So…I’m thankful he was here to lighten the mood around the house. HOWEVER, with another testosterone driven, war bound male in the house, I was about to go INSANE.
My point of view:
I’m sending my husband off to war, my children are emotional to say the least. I’ve been preparing for some time, however I don’t care to talk about blowing things up, killing things, watching war movies (I’ve always hated them), talking about the last time they went to war, FOBBITS (higher rank leaders who do nothing) and so on all day long. IN FACT…I find it detrimental to the cause and my mental state.
Their point of view:
This is cool stuff, let’s blow things up…Praise the Lord & pass the ammunition!
Their view + My View= GRUMPY ME
My point in all of this is that, with everything going on I was a complete grump for probably three and a half of the four days he got to be home. I didn’t want to be reminded that he was leaving, I just wanted my old routine back and a sense of normalcy, but that didn’t happen. I just feel like my world has been turned upside down. Daddy Fisk kindly reminded me that those days could be the last that I ever see him and that I should lighten up…but even knowing that, I couldn’t. I just find it easier to be MAD than SAD. I’m less vulnerable that way, and it’s easier to cope (I tried to snap out of it…but literally, couldn’t).
OMG…this post is forever long.
Okay, so on Friday there was the farewell ceremony in the morning, and that night they had to return at 2330, but we got to stay with him until about 0200 when they finally kicked us out of the armory (we were one of the last families there). The girls were hanging on his legs and holding him tight for the hours we were there. It is the most heart breaking thing ever. It was eerily quiet as we started out the doors, when Reilly stopped and yelled “DADDY!”
Brent turned around (as did most other men)
Rei: “Call us every day…okay?”
“I’ll try” he replied.
We kept walking.
I didn’t cry there…I got teary eyed on my way home. But, it wasn’t until Saturday morning that it HIT ME like a ton of bricks. I’m not going to see my husband for 400 days. Say it with me…FOUR h-u-n-d-r-e-d days.
I’ve been crying since.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
prepared...not prepared
Today I realized that no matter how much mental preparation I think I have done that waking up on day 1 of 400 without my husband is the most empty - rip your heart out feeling ever. I just hate this. Today I'm also not so sure I can do this, but then again who am I kidding...I don't have a choice.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Stayin' Alive
Okay, so we are playing pass the germ game again. Reilly has been sick on & off since Friday morning. Today though, she was feeling better so I sent her to school. When I picked her up she seemed her normal self, but quickly became her normal-grumpy self once we got home (she is very tired after school). She was particularly excited about today because Brent’s parents (mammy & bobby) were going to pick her up, and take her to celebrate her birthday (She turned 5 last Thursday) by doing dinner and some other fun grandparent-ish type of stuff. They also kept one present at their house for her to open today…so she was really stoked to go!
Anyway, long story short, when mammy Fisk got to the house to pick up the girls Reilly was curled in the fetal with a blanket saying that she was FREEZING. So, I took her temperature, it was 99.3 so I knew she was sick. Sadly, she just wasn’t feeling up to going so Lyndsey (my sweet angel) went with mammy anyway for some much needed bonding time. No worries, Reilly will get her special day when she is feeling better.
Okay, I’m really trying to be short here… I HAD to drop something off at the armory for daddy Fisk today, so after the big girls left, I scooped Reilly up and put her in the car, and headed out, she puked 5 minutes into the ride. By the time we got back to the house her fever was 102.3 and I was trying to convince her to take some medicine (she HATES medicine more than any kid I know). She wanted me to hold her, so I told her I would hold her if she took the medicine, but otherwise I would put her down.
While holding her and trying to get her to take the Motrin I had premeasured in hand, she just started to sob. I was puzzled, why now? What has got her UPSET now? She then blurts out (in a sobbing-sickly voice) "I JUST WANT TO STAY ALIVE!"
I immediately look at Jessica (nanny) who was sitting to my right; we both had wide eyes to say the least.
Me: Baby, what do you mean, you want to stay alive?
Rei: I don’t want you to put me down!
Me: Oh no baby…not that kind of put you down! I’m going to L-A-Y you down.
Well, poor Reilly in her sweet little mind was thinking I was going to “put her down” like a sick animal, if she didn’t take her medicine. I guess I should choose words more wisely, as she remembered recently that my sister had to put her dog “down” (to sleep) because he was sick. After I explained the difference, she asked me in a soft little voice, to lay her back down on the couch. Then I sang her “I am a child of God” with a shaky voice & tears in my eyes. I just couldn’t imagine what was going through her mind just minutes before.
She must have been comforted though, because she drifted off to sleep quickly.
Anyway, long story short, when mammy Fisk got to the house to pick up the girls Reilly was curled in the fetal with a blanket saying that she was FREEZING. So, I took her temperature, it was 99.3 so I knew she was sick. Sadly, she just wasn’t feeling up to going so Lyndsey (my sweet angel) went with mammy anyway for some much needed bonding time. No worries, Reilly will get her special day when she is feeling better.
Okay, I’m really trying to be short here… I HAD to drop something off at the armory for daddy Fisk today, so after the big girls left, I scooped Reilly up and put her in the car, and headed out, she puked 5 minutes into the ride. By the time we got back to the house her fever was 102.3 and I was trying to convince her to take some medicine (she HATES medicine more than any kid I know). She wanted me to hold her, so I told her I would hold her if she took the medicine, but otherwise I would put her down.
While holding her and trying to get her to take the Motrin I had premeasured in hand, she just started to sob. I was puzzled, why now? What has got her UPSET now? She then blurts out (in a sobbing-sickly voice) "I JUST WANT TO STAY ALIVE!"
I immediately look at Jessica (nanny) who was sitting to my right; we both had wide eyes to say the least.
Me: Baby, what do you mean, you want to stay alive?
Rei: I don’t want you to put me down!
Me: Oh no baby…not that kind of put you down! I’m going to L-A-Y you down.
Well, poor Reilly in her sweet little mind was thinking I was going to “put her down” like a sick animal, if she didn’t take her medicine. I guess I should choose words more wisely, as she remembered recently that my sister had to put her dog “down” (to sleep) because he was sick. After I explained the difference, she asked me in a soft little voice, to lay her back down on the couch. Then I sang her “I am a child of God” with a shaky voice & tears in my eyes. I just couldn’t imagine what was going through her mind just minutes before.
She must have been comforted though, because she drifted off to sleep quickly.
Monday, September 14, 2009
365 days of____?
Okay, so lately I have been thinking of starting some kind of fun project in an attempt to keep my sanity while Brent is gone. We have all seen those blogs where women use a crock pot every day for 365 days, or do some other cooky deal for a whole year. Well, my bloggin' buddies, I think I'm going to jump on that wagon too! I just need some ideas, legit ideas though, ones that could be fun to blog about too (separate from this blog most likely). I know it sounds silly, but since my husband will be gone, fighting for our freedom for a year I'm starting to feel inadequate. I know, sounds like a pitty party but really...put yourself in my shoes. I would like to do something for the same amount of time that he is gone, so I can think that I too have a "project" if that makes sense.
So far, I have had two ideas that keep coming back in my mind. First, being a weight loss blog...anyone who knows me knows that this is my all time fattest so I think it would be nice to make MYSELF be the "PROJECT" and get hot for my hubby when he comes home. But, then I come back to reality, and my self loathing tendencies return and I think that is a stupid idea.
Secondly, I thought about doing simple nice tasks for complete strangers and then blogging about their reactions. I love helping other people, but then I think for a minute, and realize that I'll already be spread too thin, and that people should be helping the poor lady who's husband is off to war...RIGHT? Yet another stupid idea. :(
Okay...so this blog entry was meant to be short and sweet so I'll stop here. Please, tell me your ideas for my 365 days of _______ project.
P.S. If you wanna call me fat, and agree that I should do the weight loss one, tell me. I won't be offended, or cry (in public) ha ha.
So far, I have had two ideas that keep coming back in my mind. First, being a weight loss blog...anyone who knows me knows that this is my all time fattest so I think it would be nice to make MYSELF be the "PROJECT" and get hot for my hubby when he comes home. But, then I come back to reality, and my self loathing tendencies return and I think that is a stupid idea.
Secondly, I thought about doing simple nice tasks for complete strangers and then blogging about their reactions. I love helping other people, but then I think for a minute, and realize that I'll already be spread too thin, and that people should be helping the poor lady who's husband is off to war...RIGHT? Yet another stupid idea. :(
Okay...so this blog entry was meant to be short and sweet so I'll stop here. Please, tell me your ideas for my 365 days of _______ project.
P.S. If you wanna call me fat, and agree that I should do the weight loss one, tell me. I won't be offended, or cry (in public) ha ha.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
French Furniture
Well, I’m thinking that with this post, I may offend some people so read carefully and slowly. Read the post in it’s entirety before jumping to conclusions and hating me right away. Also, remember to be open minded, and if you have something to share or add…by all means. Bring it on!
Now, with a disclaimer like that, I’m sure you are thinking this is going to be some crazy political or “Right Wing” tangent…but it’s not at all. I’m simply expressing my feelings about a few phrases that are often used incorrectly, and it drives me ABSOLUTELY BANANAS!
First: I hear people say all too often “Oh, I could care less.” Really, you could? In saying that you “COULD care less” you are implying that YOU DO CARE! I believe sir and or ma’am that you intend to use the phrase “I COULD’NT CARE LESS” which would imply that you care so little, you literally couldn’t care any less than you do at the said point in time.
Second (the one that made me start this post all together): I hear everyone these days ending all kinds of sentences with the phrase “and what not.” Seriously people, do we need to end every sentence with this phrase? It makes me so crazy that I NEVER use this phrase (I hereby give you permission to beat me profusely about my head and shoulders if I do). Did you know that a “whatnot” is actually a piece of furniture? It is also a synonym for the word knickknacks, and for et cetera. Although it may have a few different meanings, I don’t think I’ll find the need to and “oh and knickknacks” or “oh and a French piece of furniture” to the end of any of my sentences for crying out loud.
For your enjoyment, I’ve copied the definition of a whatnot from the Encyclopedia (just in case you doubt me)
whatnot
series of open shelves supported by two or four upright posts. The passion for collecting and displaying ornamental objects that began in the 18th century and was widespread in the 19th stimulated the production in England and the United States of this whimsically named piece of furniture. The French version was called the etagere. Some examples contain drawers at the base; others have three sides of the upper shelf surmounted with an ornamental board
*Yes, I did say it is sometimes used in place of et cetera, but I only saw that one place while I was researching and I’m wondering if it was put in there because of the constant use of the phrase in that context. I still don’t like it…so there!
3rd: The last one (for now) has been a big one for me since I was in 5th grade. There isn’t an error that makes me crazier than this one.
Drum roll please……A LOT! Yep, seems simple doesn’t it. Well, my friends. I all too often see it spelled alot (funny because the little red line below the incorrect spelling would tip me off). Alot, is NOT A WORD. It will probably never be one either, but that is just my guess. The way my teacher helped me to remember that a lot is TWO WORDS, is by thinking of a parking lot, you would say it is a lot, not alot, right? Yep…I am. Trust me.
See, that wasn’t too bad, was it? I hope I didn’t offend anyone. I’m just venting some of my peeves on here. And yes, I know I’m not perfect (so close it is scary...but nonetheless, still not perfect), and I probably have my share of grammatical errors in this post alone. I just find that I’m a little moody these days and I had to get that off my chest.
Peace out peeps!
J
Now, with a disclaimer like that, I’m sure you are thinking this is going to be some crazy political or “Right Wing” tangent…but it’s not at all. I’m simply expressing my feelings about a few phrases that are often used incorrectly, and it drives me ABSOLUTELY BANANAS!
First: I hear people say all too often “Oh, I could care less.” Really, you could? In saying that you “COULD care less” you are implying that YOU DO CARE! I believe sir and or ma’am that you intend to use the phrase “I COULD’NT CARE LESS” which would imply that you care so little, you literally couldn’t care any less than you do at the said point in time.
Second (the one that made me start this post all together): I hear everyone these days ending all kinds of sentences with the phrase “and what not.” Seriously people, do we need to end every sentence with this phrase? It makes me so crazy that I NEVER use this phrase (I hereby give you permission to beat me profusely about my head and shoulders if I do). Did you know that a “whatnot” is actually a piece of furniture? It is also a synonym for the word knickknacks, and for et cetera. Although it may have a few different meanings, I don’t think I’ll find the need to and “oh and knickknacks” or “oh and a French piece of furniture” to the end of any of my sentences for crying out loud.
For your enjoyment, I’ve copied the definition of a whatnot from the Encyclopedia (just in case you doubt me)
whatnot
series of open shelves supported by two or four upright posts. The passion for collecting and displaying ornamental objects that began in the 18th century and was widespread in the 19th stimulated the production in England and the United States of this whimsically named piece of furniture. The French version was called the etagere. Some examples contain drawers at the base; others have three sides of the upper shelf surmounted with an ornamental board
*Yes, I did say it is sometimes used in place of et cetera, but I only saw that one place while I was researching and I’m wondering if it was put in there because of the constant use of the phrase in that context. I still don’t like it…so there!
3rd: The last one (for now) has been a big one for me since I was in 5th grade. There isn’t an error that makes me crazier than this one.
Drum roll please……A LOT! Yep, seems simple doesn’t it. Well, my friends. I all too often see it spelled alot (funny because the little red line below the incorrect spelling would tip me off). Alot, is NOT A WORD. It will probably never be one either, but that is just my guess. The way my teacher helped me to remember that a lot is TWO WORDS, is by thinking of a parking lot, you would say it is a lot, not alot, right? Yep…I am. Trust me.
See, that wasn’t too bad, was it? I hope I didn’t offend anyone. I’m just venting some of my peeves on here. And yes, I know I’m not perfect (so close it is scary...but nonetheless, still not perfect), and I probably have my share of grammatical errors in this post alone. I just find that I’m a little moody these days and I had to get that off my chest.
Peace out peeps!
J
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
CHICKEN BREATHE
While watching George Lopez at work tonight (really it’s just for background noise)
I was reminded of a classic 911 call that someone at my work actually took, granted I wasn’t at there when it happened, but I’ve heard the story many times. Do yourself a favor, and if you need to go to the bathroom; go now! I’m not responsible for anyone that pees their pants over this story. Although I would laugh my patootie off, it’s just kind of messy, and I don’t really recommend it.
(This isn’t verbatim I’m sure, but very close nonetheless)
Operator: 911 what is your emergency?
Caller: Habla Espanol?
O: No, does anyone there speak English?
C: No.
O: Okay, do you need medical or police?
C: I dunno…chicken breathe
O: Chicken breathe?
C: Jes…chicken breathe (in a more impatient tone)
O: What does that mean sir?
C: CHEE CANNN BREATHE!!
O: Oh…sir, SHE CAN’T BREATHE?
C: JES!
O: Okay sir, let’s get the paramedics on the line with us too, hold on…
I want to let you know, that this took all of about 10 seconds, the caller received the help he needed for whoever “Chee” was, and although I don’t know the outcome, I’m sure they lived happily ever after.
I was reminded of a classic 911 call that someone at my work actually took, granted I wasn’t at there when it happened, but I’ve heard the story many times. Do yourself a favor, and if you need to go to the bathroom; go now! I’m not responsible for anyone that pees their pants over this story. Although I would laugh my patootie off, it’s just kind of messy, and I don’t really recommend it.
(This isn’t verbatim I’m sure, but very close nonetheless)
Operator: 911 what is your emergency?
Caller: Habla Espanol?
O: No, does anyone there speak English?
C: No.
O: Okay, do you need medical or police?
C: I dunno…chicken breathe
O: Chicken breathe?
C: Jes…chicken breathe (in a more impatient tone)
O: What does that mean sir?
C: CHEE CANNN BREATHE!!
O: Oh…sir, SHE CAN’T BREATHE?
C: JES!
O: Okay sir, let’s get the paramedics on the line with us too, hold on…
I want to let you know, that this took all of about 10 seconds, the caller received the help he needed for whoever “Chee” was, and although I don’t know the outcome, I’m sure they lived happily ever after.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Recent changes
So, things have been a little crazy around the home front, yet it seems to have become the norm, and I’m actually okay with that.
Brent leaves Thursday morning for training, but the official farewell ceremony is on Sept 25th at 1100 (for those who want to attend). I think I’m actually going to be okay. But, ask me this time next week and I may have a different opinion. Now, I’m not saying I’m okay with him leaving…I’m just saying that I’ve shaken that “wake me when it’s over” feeling.
Our nanny Jessica arrived the week before last, she is great and the girls just love her. I think having her around is what snapped me out of my funk. Hello…I can’t let someone else watch me fall apart, RIGHT? Ha ha…half way kidding. The following is a conversation that she and her mom overheard the girls having while they were in the shower her first night here.
Rei: Wow! What is all of that sissy, can we use it? (Talking about shampoo)
Lynds: NO! That is Jessica’s
Rei: Is she our nanny?
Lynds: Yes
Rei: She doesn’t even look like a nanny, she is pretty.
Lynds: Yep
Rei: Well, if she is our nanny…surely she has glasses around here somewhere!?
Now…the funniest thing about this conversation is trying to figure out what Reilly was thinking. Being that Nanny McPhee is her favorite movie, she was probably expecting some old snaggle toothed, witch nosed looking lady. But, instead she got a young, nice, and pretty girl. And she was just trying to come to terms with things.
Poor baby, her mind was probably on overload.
With that said, I think that daddy Fisk is having a hard time with seeing the changes around the house. He is becoming grumpier as the days go by, but perhaps it is because things are setting in for him too. No matter how things are when he is away, it won’t be the same and we will miss him terribly.
Now, I believe my next bit deserves it’s own blog entry, but since I’m blogging about meaningful things, I will include it here.
A few posts ago, I had written about a woman named Kim Miller who is fighting colon cancer, and how I have followed her blog for some time. I was so DEEPLY SADDENED today, when I checked her blog for an update, but instead there was information for her funeral arrangements. My heart seriously fell to my stomach when I read it, and for a minute I even thought maybe it was information for someone else’s services. I believe that she was called home by our Heavenly Father, and although we are sad; the heavens were rejoicing upon her return. I pray for her entire family, especially her children during this hard time.
Please, check out her blog, the abundance of pictures capture her sweet spirit.
www.kimfightscancer.blogspot.com
Blogged with LOTS of love today...
-J
Brent leaves Thursday morning for training, but the official farewell ceremony is on Sept 25th at 1100 (for those who want to attend). I think I’m actually going to be okay. But, ask me this time next week and I may have a different opinion. Now, I’m not saying I’m okay with him leaving…I’m just saying that I’ve shaken that “wake me when it’s over” feeling.
Our nanny Jessica arrived the week before last, she is great and the girls just love her. I think having her around is what snapped me out of my funk. Hello…I can’t let someone else watch me fall apart, RIGHT? Ha ha…half way kidding. The following is a conversation that she and her mom overheard the girls having while they were in the shower her first night here.
Rei: Wow! What is all of that sissy, can we use it? (Talking about shampoo)
Lynds: NO! That is Jessica’s
Rei: Is she our nanny?
Lynds: Yes
Rei: She doesn’t even look like a nanny, she is pretty.
Lynds: Yep
Rei: Well, if she is our nanny…surely she has glasses around here somewhere!?
Now…the funniest thing about this conversation is trying to figure out what Reilly was thinking. Being that Nanny McPhee is her favorite movie, she was probably expecting some old snaggle toothed, witch nosed looking lady. But, instead she got a young, nice, and pretty girl. And she was just trying to come to terms with things.
Poor baby, her mind was probably on overload.
With that said, I think that daddy Fisk is having a hard time with seeing the changes around the house. He is becoming grumpier as the days go by, but perhaps it is because things are setting in for him too. No matter how things are when he is away, it won’t be the same and we will miss him terribly.
Now, I believe my next bit deserves it’s own blog entry, but since I’m blogging about meaningful things, I will include it here.
A few posts ago, I had written about a woman named Kim Miller who is fighting colon cancer, and how I have followed her blog for some time. I was so DEEPLY SADDENED today, when I checked her blog for an update, but instead there was information for her funeral arrangements. My heart seriously fell to my stomach when I read it, and for a minute I even thought maybe it was information for someone else’s services. I believe that she was called home by our Heavenly Father, and although we are sad; the heavens were rejoicing upon her return. I pray for her entire family, especially her children during this hard time.
Please, check out her blog, the abundance of pictures capture her sweet spirit.
www.kimfightscancer.blogspot.com
Blogged with LOTS of love today...
-J
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