The "See ya soon"

Things have been so chaotic lately, and to be honest I’m just plum tuckered out.
I’ve been trying to keep positive but it’s proving to be harder than I had originally thought. Here is a recap of recent events.

So, Daddy Fisk had been training in Florence for a couple weeks as originally planned since he went on orders (working for Army full time) on September 2nd. During that time we got to talk to him most every night, and when we didn’t we would get a text saying he was too tired to talk but, he would send his love nonetheless. His unit had decided sometime ago that they were not going to be giving passes (days off) after they had left AZ to MOB (mobilize). So, they gave him a four day pass where he had absolutely NO ARMY stuff to do between that training and actually leaving. I can’t even tell you how much I loved that… but loving it didn’t make it easy by any means.

He has been gone so much lately that I had become comfortable with my own routine that Jessica (nanny) and I had come up with. So, while I was beyond excited to spend time with him, it was awkward just a teeny bit…because well; anyone who knows him knows that he too is set in his ways and he takes the whole “a man’s home is his castle” thing to an extreme. Which I normally don’t mind, in fact I take pride in trying to please him in that. Just not right now.

With all of the recent training and pending deployment Brent had a friend that didn’t have a place to stay; so he stayed with us until they left (we wouldn’t even think of letting him live at the armory). Hiner is a super cool guy who can make you laugh at anything. So…I’m thankful he was here to lighten the mood around the house. HOWEVER, with another testosterone driven, war bound male in the house, I was about to go INSANE.

My point of view:

I’m sending my husband off to war, my children are emotional to say the least. I’ve been preparing for some time, however I don’t care to talk about blowing things up, killing things, watching war movies (I’ve always hated them), talking about the last time they went to war, FOBBITS (higher rank leaders who do nothing) and so on all day long. IN FACT…I find it detrimental to the cause and my mental state.

Their point of view:

This is cool stuff, let’s blow things up…Praise the Lord & pass the ammunition!

Their view + My View= GRUMPY ME

My point in all of this is that, with everything going on I was a complete grump for probably three and a half of the four days he got to be home. I didn’t want to be reminded that he was leaving, I just wanted my old routine back and a sense of normalcy, but that didn’t happen. I just feel like my world has been turned upside down. Daddy Fisk kindly reminded me that those days could be the last that I ever see him and that I should lighten up…but even knowing that, I couldn’t. I just find it easier to be MAD than SAD. I’m less vulnerable that way, and it’s easier to cope (I tried to snap out of it…but literally, couldn’t).

OMG…this post is forever long.
Okay, so on Friday there was the farewell ceremony in the morning, and that night they had to return at 2330, but we got to stay with him until about 0200 when they finally kicked us out of the armory (we were one of the last families there). The girls were hanging on his legs and holding him tight for the hours we were there. It is the most heart breaking thing ever. It was eerily quiet as we started out the doors, when Reilly stopped and yelled “DADDY!”
Brent turned around (as did most other men)
Rei: “Call us every day…okay?”
“I’ll try” he replied.
We kept walking.

I didn’t cry there…I got teary eyed on my way home. But, it wasn’t until Saturday morning that it HIT ME like a ton of bricks. I’m not going to see my husband for 400 days. Say it with me…FOUR h-u-n-d-r-e-d days.

I’ve been crying since.