Jill's thoughts = A book with no pictures

Okay, first things first…Yes, I know that I have been neglecting this poor blog. So, if anyone actually reads this and I have saddened you by not updating, I’m sorry. It is not for the lack of topics by any means. I’ve actually been thinking a lot about a lot of random stuff. So, here is some of it.

Second thing first…okay well not really first, but next, and equally important, therefore it is first (after the real first). You see where this is headed? So, as everyone knows Brent is headed back to Iraq soon. Yes SOON, so in an effort to get all ARMY Wife savvy, and in the loop I have been using GOOGLE to try to find cute websites that have do special things for deployed soldiers or just cute things to show my support of my husband while he is deployed. I am EXTREMELY saddened to find that I think almost everyone HAS FORGOTTEN about the WAR! Yes, it is depressing, and I feel horrible too because I didn’t start looking for these things until MY HUSBAND was going BACK, but during my hours of searching I found that a lot of the sites have not been updated in YEARS. Some were started by wives and or mothers of deployed soldiers, it is my guess that their son/daughter/spouse has returned therefore they get “lax”, or perhaps the American people are “lax” and are not showing an interest in the product or website. Nonetheless, I worry about how many people really realize that deployments are still happening, soldiers are still dying, little girls still miss their daddies, and boys miss mommies and so on. While I’m not extremely happy that Brent is going back, I am proud of his service. I’m proud of every person in the military (past/present/future). I still get choked up when I hear the National Anthem, when I see a family reunited or a flag draped coffin. Being apart from him for a year, doing my job and his, and reassuring his daughters he will be okay, when I’m not so sure myself; is going to be hard. But it is something I’m proud to do. I’m proud to strap on my “Mommy-daddy boots” and “adapt and overcome”. Oh, and wait for the middle of the night phone calls, butterflies when I hear his voice and to count down the days until the safe return of the entire 855 MP Company.

Third thing second…yes, second since, well the second thing was second thing first, this would actually be the third thing second. I’m sure you get it, but I figured I would explain just in case. So, anyway onward… Do you remember being asked when you were little what you wanted to be when you grew up etc? I remember I wanted to be a dentist, then a horse trainer or a stunt woman, and in my more realistic days, a nurse. Well, it is obvious that I’m none of those right now. However, I still have this overwhelming urge to help people. I figured that my current job would totally give me some kind of satisfaction…yeah, not so much. It makes it worse! Well, not actually “worse” because I don’t think it is bad to want to help people, but the urge is stronger. I guess when any normal person realizes how dysfunctional society and the lives of some children really are (I say children, because adults can think/help themselves), you can’t help but want to change it for them. Oh… another thing (random thought by Jill) I have been thinking about is volunteering to be a “baby holder” at a local hospital. I saw it once on TV (man I sound like a kid huh) and thought that is totally for me!! Everyone who knows me knows that I’m totally baby crazy, and wouldn’t it be great for a disadvantaged child to feel loved while sick in the hospital? It is Win/Win for sure. Basically the point of this rambling much about nothing is that I feel like I need to volunteer or organize something to help people less fortunate than I. The frustrating thing, is I’m not sure about the WHO, WHAT, WHEN, or HOW part of it. I have been praying about it though…which leads me to the next topic of discussion.

Fourth thing third, which really should be first for sure. Like 100% without a doubt. But, the whole entry wouldn’t make sense if I put this part first. So, I hope it all comes together nicely. Anyway, I have found over the recent weeks…(okay, really months, but I say weeks because it doesn’t seem like so long) that I wasn’t so unsure of all of these things, when I was going to church more often. It seems like when we started going back to church everything just fit like a puzzle. The weeks went smoother; I was less stressed, less unsure of things, perhaps even happier (not to say that I’m unhappy now though). Don’t get me wrong…I guess what I’m saying is that I just feel more complete when I’m in church on Sunday. I’m hoping that maybe then, I will get an answer to all of these questions that I have and that perhaps my uncertainty will dissipate.

Holy Schnikes…this was a long post for sure. I hope it wasn’t too deep and or boring since there were no cool pictures. Oh, and also please forgive anything that doesn’t make sense… I’m actually in the middle of something, and plan to cut and paste this on the blog later tonight. Which reminds me…I still have to blog about our California trip this past weekend. I have pics for that though. So stay tuned, for more Fisk Family Funn.